There is strong possibility you may not have done this since your child was born...
In the beautiful but unrelenting world of motherhood, when did you actually last stop, take a breath and ask yourself...
What do I need?
As the consuming whirl of parenthood establishes itself in, on and around you it can feel near impossible to silence the noise and take that moment to check in with yourself and see how you are really doing, and what you really need right now - beyond a cup of tea and five minutes to yourself.
The months and years march on as we marvel how our babies grow into toddlers and young children. The disconnection with ourself continues.
Overlay that with our culture - where we value productivity, where busy is so often a status symbol and our identity is commonly defined by what we do and achieve.
So we forget about cultivating or even allowing any moments of still, instead we grab our phones and zone out to screen time for some sweet relief from the frenetic demands of life and parenthood. Or we grab that cup of tea, shovel in a biscuit and plough on!
When was the last time you you allowed yourself moment of still, where your mind stops racing with the huge to do's and all things the should be doing and you simply check in with your fine and beautifully hard working, likely exhausted, self?
As mums we gradually lose our own ability to know ourself and to be able to answer, what do I need? We long for 'me time' but it's become so alien we don't know how to honour ourselves and best fulfil it.
Once you have addressed your basic needs like say water, food, safety and a nap, let me gently remind you, there is whole hierarchy of needs above you! And, if you carry on ignoring your needs for them, you may start falling out of love with motherhood and having a huge wall of angry resentment to clamber over every morning, like I did.
And yes, I hear the cries of 'I can't even find time to shower or wipe my own ass in peace, sod you and your hierarchy of needs!!'
But hear me out...
To become re-acquainted with you, here are two timely questions for you:
- Do you re-charge your energy levels best with time spend alone, or time spent with others?
- What makes you feel most loved and squashy towards your partner or family members? When they...
1. Say or write encouraging, loving and kind things to you
2. Are warm and affectionate towards you
3. Take your bins out, empty the dishwasher
4. Dedicate time to spend with you
5. Or, buy you a small gift to express their love?
Use your answers to better know yourself. If you re-charge best alone the best Mothers Day 'gift' could be breaky all by yourself, or if it's with others it could be arranging a social gathering or a walk with your bestie.
Use your answers to gently suggest to your partner what the most ideal way for you to celebrate Mothers Day would be. After all, when we lose touch with our own needs, how can we expect our partner to best fulfill them?
Or, if you are reading this as a son, daughter or partner - ask yourself what would really make your mums / partners day?
For Illawarra gift and local event ideas click to visit Parents Guide
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Please like, share and tag your mum and parent friends - we all need a gentle reminder to look after ourselves, to realise and meet our own needs - so we can better meet the (HUGE!) needs of those who rely on us!